So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
