when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
