yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
