his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
