Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
