Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
