Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
