i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so let's talk penis.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
