a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
