I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
