So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
