dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
