oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize