Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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