i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
