When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
