Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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