They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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