I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
