You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
