he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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