There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
