wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
