and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
