Whod you bang
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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