we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
