What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Your penis caused this!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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