the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i would punch a child for taco bell
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
