no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
