two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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