I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
