so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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