You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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