you would pick up someone in the library
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
