I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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