My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
