Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he puts the penis in happiness.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
