i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
