If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
