can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
