Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Send help, water and tortillas.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
