It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
