What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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