I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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