Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
