Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
