I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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