I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
