they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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