Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
