I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
