I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
