I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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