i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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