I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
