dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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