Sry I called you an 8
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
