The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
