If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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