I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
