Dual....:-)
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
