I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
