Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
