That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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